Dear Annie:
I have three children: a son and two daughters. I’m a widow, and we’ve always been a close and caring family. My son lives in the same city and checks on me daily. My two daughters live about two hours away. My oldest daughter and her husband visit about once a month and are very attentive.
My youngest daughter, who is divorced and has four grown children and five grandchildren, has always been especially close to me. She divorced her husband six years ago after discovering his infidelity, a surprise to her. Since then, she’s started a new relationship with a very nice man. In the past, she visited every six weeks, and we spoke daily. However, her visits have become infrequent.
I’ve provided significant financial support to her and her family over the years, including paying for her divorce, buying furniture, and helping with her grandchildren. She insists nothing has changed on her end to explain the decrease in visits, attributing it to being busy.
I had hip replacement surgery a few years ago and use a walker; I no longer drive. She only spent a night with me in late January, the only visit this year. She does call almost every day. I don’t understand this shift in her behavior. The change weighs heavily on my mind, especially during the holidays. She maintains that nothing has happened and that I haven’t done anything to offend her.
I miss her terribly, and the rest of my family does too. Do you have any suggestions?
–Missing My Daughter
Dear Missing My Daughter:
It sounds like you have wonderful relationships with all three of your children. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of daily life – especially a new relationship – so I would give your daughter the benefit of the doubt. She may genuinely be very busy.
To see her more often, consider inviting her and her new boyfriend over instead of relying on her to initiate visits. No need for elaborate hosting; a simple, “I miss you, come over for pizza on Friday night!” might suffice. If she continues to decline your invitations, it might be helpful to express your feelings directly and tell her how much her visits mean to you, especially since she calls almost daily.