Galaxy Quest: The Most R-Rated PG Movie Ever?
Obvious dubs, unexpected cannibalism, and a Tim Allen wardrobe malfunction make *Galaxy Quest* the most R-rated PG movie ever. It’s a perfect motion picture; argue with a wall—preferably one of the many chrome walls aboard the NSEA Protector. Released on Christmas Day 1999, before geek culture went mainstream, the Dean Parisot-directed film feels remarkably prescient, anticipating decades of internet debates and controversies. This is because, even before social media, *Star Trek* diehards were pioneers of obsessive online discourse. *Galaxy Quest* gently satirizes this passionate fanbase while delivering a rip-roaring space adventure. It also may or may not feature a fleeting glimpse of Tim Allen’s genitalia. Let’s explore.
The film’s premise is simple yet effective. Years after their beloved *Star Trek*-esque TV show, the cast of “Galaxy Quest” struggles to escape its pop culture legacy, doomed to conventions and repeating catchphrases. Jason Nesmith (Tim Allen), who played Commander Peter Quincy Taggart, embraces this fate, unlike his less enthusiastic crew: Gwen DeMarco as Lieutenant Tawny Madison (Sigourney Weaver), Alexander Dane as Dr. Lazarus (Alan Rickman), Fred Kwan as Tech Sergeant Chen (Tony Shalhoub), Tommy Webber as Lieutenant Laredo (Daryl Mitchell), and Guy Fleegman as Crewman #6 (Sam Rockwell).
In a *Three Amigos*-esque twist, an alien race mistakes old broadcasts of “Galaxy Quest” for historical documents, bringing Nesmith and his crew aboard a recreation of their fictional starship, the NSEA Protector, to combat the villainous Roth’h’ar Sarris (Robin Sachs). The Hollywood actors are, needless to say, woefully unprepared.
The story of the fictional crew becoming the real crew is exciting and wholesome—unless you pay close attention to the actors’ mouths. *Galaxy Quest* was heavily edited from an R-rated cut down to a PG rating, resulting in some very noticeable dubbing. Writer Robert Gordon revealed in a 2014 interview with MTV that the original script included decapitations and a scene where Sigourney Weaver’s character seduces aliens—scenes that were cut to achieve a wider audience. This editing also resulted in some hilariously bad dubbing, replacing lines like “You’re full of shit, man!” with “You are so full of it, man!” and “Well fuck that!” with “Well screw that!” Producer Mark Johnson later lamented the removal of Weaver’s “F—k,” calling it one of the movie’s best laughs.
Beyond the dubbing, the PG rating removed other suggestive elements, including a look at Dr. Lazarus’ quarters (described by Tim Allen as a “proctologist’s dream and nightmare”), and prevented Shalhoub’s character from being explicitly identified as a stoner, despite his constant munchies and bloodshot eyes.
However, the true story of *Galaxy Quest*’s PG rating isn’t what was removed, but what remained. Even without decapitations, alien orgies, and marijuana cigarettes, the film still features: a dead reptilian head on a bloody spike; a colony of naked children cannibalizing their wounded; an exploding space boar with its guts hanging out; and Tony Shalhoub and Missi Pyle engaging in tentacle-assisted tongue exploration. It seems the cuts were so extensive that the MPAA simply gave up.
But the most R-rated moment surpasses all others. There is a single frame, haunting me since the early 2000s, that I believe shows Tim Allen’s penis. Around 12 minutes in, as a hungover Nesmith, wearing only a white shirt, searches for clothes, he leans over, briefly exposing his backside to some Thermians. The camera lingers, possibly assuming an R-rating was already a given, long enough to catch a glimpse of what the author believes to be Tim Allen’s genitalia at 13 minutes and 36 seconds (verified on Amazon Prime Video).
While a screen grab isn’t included, those skeptical can check it themselves. *Galaxy Quest*, despite its questionable editing choices, remains a perfect motion picture, Tim Allen’s accidental flash and all.