DEAR ABBY:
My spouse and I (both women) have been together for 25 years. For half of that time, we lived in the Middle East as healthcare expatriates. My spouse is from South Africa and had a very different upbringing than I did.
Upon returning to the U.S., we bought a house in a southern state near two of my brothers. However, my spouse has expressed a strong dislike for having them stay at our home when they visit, preferring they stay in a hotel. She claims this is due to concerns about hygiene (that they might not shower before bed) and the disturbance to our cats. I told her I found her comments rude and pointed out that we always wash the sheets after guests leave.
This has created significant conflict in our relationship. I feel torn between my love for my spouse and my desire to welcome my family and friends into my home. I’m unsure how to proceed without continuing to alienate and hurt my family. I love my spouse dearly, but I also cherish my family and want them to feel welcome in our home. What should I do?
–PULLED IN TWO
DEAR PULLED:
Your spouse’s objections to your brothers staying at your home seem more like excuses than legitimate reasons. As you mentioned, the sheets are changed, and cats are generally adaptable creatures. To resolve this, perhaps your spouse could stay elsewhere during your relatives’ visits, or you could visit your relatives instead.